I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
