you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
