John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
