a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
