i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
