whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
