He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
