kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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