New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
