Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
