he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
