Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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