I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize