At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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