2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
