You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
