Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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