What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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