got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
