Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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