I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
