Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
