No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
