I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
