I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
