the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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