I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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