I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize