im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
