I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
