I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize