i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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