Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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