**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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