Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
