Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
