you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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