I showed him my bush... on skype.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
