he shaved USA in his pubs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
