Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
