So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
