It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
