Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
