Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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