My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
this hospital has no fireball
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize