dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Vodka?
Forever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
