Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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