Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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