Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This is my gift to your gina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
