batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
