When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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