Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
