No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I believe in your delicious
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
