I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
