I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize