he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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