We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
