why didn't you poke me back
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is Oprah even human
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
