I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
