covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
