oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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