he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize