Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
