im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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