I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
