We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
