how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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