Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
