Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
