btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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