I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
