So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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