Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
