I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
