dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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