but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
