Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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