This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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