problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is the high leading the old right now
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize