His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
