There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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