alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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