i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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