YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
