Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
