I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
