Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
