Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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