I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
