whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
