By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
