i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
