Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
