I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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