Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My life is pants optional.
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