Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
