Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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