girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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