i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
