You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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