i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
