Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
