Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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