I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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