Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
