Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
