New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found the puke drawer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize