i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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