So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
