I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
