He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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