I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
