he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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