I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
