and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
